Handleiding mannen


Hier een leuk rijtje. Wellicht heb je er wel eens wat gezien, gezegt of gehoord
(afhankelijk welke kant van de sex-bariere je staat). Het erge is, dat ik
dingen wel herken. Vooral de semantische recht toe recht aan opmerkingen.
Maarja, daar ben ik dan ook Logisch Fundamentalistisch Semantoloog voor.



We always hear ‘the rules’ from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. These are men’s rules! Please note these are all numbered ‘1’ ON

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you
leaving it down.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

1. Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short
hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women
always cut their hair.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we
do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all
comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes
you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway! It’s genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not
both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ we will act like nothing’s
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you
don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. No, NO, you really DO have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No,
it doesn’t matter which quiz.

1. I’m in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Ing. Peter Sneekes
peter (at) sneekes.org